Now we men constantly hear from our girlfriends, sisters and wives how difficult it is to be to be a woman. They love to pound in your head time and again how hard life is for them. They have periods (gross), they are more emotional than men, they must give birth, etc etc. And don’t get me wrong – I definitely would not want to deal with any of that. But what women fail to talk about are the actual perks of womanhood. Don’t listen to them men – there are indeed perks.

The other day I was standing in line in our college cafeteria, waiting for the attendant at the grill to take my order. I stood behind two females, very attractive I might add, who were also waiting for their order to be taken. After several minutes of flipping burger patties and buns on the grill, the attendant walked over to take our order, with a giant grin on his face. He politely asked the ladies in front of me what they would like, quickly preparing it for them. But when my turn arrived, there was no grin (at least until he noticed the girls behind me). He was curt in taking my order, sharply asking me, “What you want?”

“Can I get a burger with cheese?” I responded politely.

“Nah we ain’t got no cheese, man” he said.

What is this guy talking about? I thought to myself. He just gave the girls in front of me cheese.

“All right, hold the cheese. Can I just get it with lettuce and ketchup?” I asked.

With no verbal response, only a guttural moan of annoyance, the attendant slowly (but surely!) prepared my order and gave it to me. After walking over to make myself a drink I smiled at his immaturity; that’s all I could really do anyway. And I then continued on my way.

But after standing in line to actually pay for my food the two ladies behind me stood there innocently with their hamburgers. Upon closer examination I see that they are not merely hamburgers, for lying atop their hamburger patty was a nice juicy piece of American cheese. They were cheeseburgers.

What? Where the hell is my cheese!? They were right behind me in line and probably received their food literally seconds after I. So how did this cheese spontaneously appear in time for the order right behind mine? It didn’t. The guy taking orders gave them cheese because of their bodacious bods.

So I started thinking. What else could women attain through the use of their woman-powers?  They could use it to make good grades in classes, to get free drinks at bars, to get free help with homework assignments – they could even use it marry into wealth for the rest of their lives! If you had the option to have a woman’s uncanny powers that allowed you to get whatever you wanted, what would your answer be?

Ok ok, I can hear it now. Girls I know saying “What about periods? What about birthing a child between your legs?” And I’ll give her that. That’s no fun. But it’s not like women are required to have periods. If you really don’t want to deal with it, there are plenty of pills that alleviate the symptoms of a period. Or maybe you could even get the thing ripped out! Problem solved, it’s no longer difficult to be a woman…  right? Okay, that’s probably not an option. But maybe that’s the trade off for getting almost anything you want?

So men (and perhaps some women) – the next time a woman complains about how horrible it is to be a female, you tell her how it really is.

…On second thought, it might be in your manhood’s best interest to keep it to yourself.